A couple’s sex life tends to plateau following the excitement of the first years together. Is this normal in a long-term relationship?
“It is not only normal but also healthy. That period in a relationship when both are bored is when the couple can have a look at the relationship and delve deeper. The moment when the couple gets bored is usually because they’re bored of the strata they're in in their relationship. Those couples who are comfortable with being vulnerable with each other and let each other in will delve deeper. They will let each other into their feelings, fears, dreams and darkest secrets.
The same can be said for one’s sexual identity. Those couples who are comfortable with the next level of intimacy will let each other into their sexual fantasies, fears, and physical pleasures and insecurities. The ones who find it hard to be themselves or let go will struggle with the boredom.
I compare the couple's sex life to conversation. To start with, the couple can't get enough of each other. They talk all night long, usually because they are exploring each other so they appreciate every word that comes out of their partner's mouth. As time goes by, the couple does not just talk to get to know each other, but talk and spend time together in order to maintain their bond. Conversation takes a new, deeper meaning. Most know that there's this evolution when it comes to conversation, yet when it comes to sex a lot expect the same form of excitement they felt when everything was so new.”
For couples struggling to keep things interesting after a long time, how should they approach the subject of a dwindling sex life?
“Talk...talk...talk! If a couple is honest and caring they can talk about anything. It is OK to ask your partner how they feel about your sex life. Is there anything that you miss or would like more/less of? You can then tell him/her about your feelings and wishes. Not everyone has the same expectations and definition of sex and this needs to be taken into consideration.
If one only perceives sex as a way of showing love while the other experiences sex as play and fun they might struggle to enjoy sex with each other. If on the other hand they explain what they get out of sex and invite each other to experience physical intimacy their way they might find that sex can give both a feeling of love and playful fun.
When talking about sex, I always suggest that you start by asking your partner how they feel about your physical intimacy. Going in with what you don't like might feel like criticism or an attack and might hurt one's feelings. Make it clear that you are attracted to your partner and that you are just stating what you would like more/less of because you want to have a good sex life along with a great relationship (if that's the case).”