Does watching porn while in a relationship count as cheating?

“As with any other form of boundary in a relationship, I believe that it's the couple who sets the boundaries. I’ve met couples who would file for separation because of one's internet history and I’ve also met couples who choose to watch porn together. There is no straight answer – it’s the couple who decides what is considered cheating and what's not.

Infidelity is a very problematic subject as most people get into a relationship with their ideas of what constitutes infidelity and only choose to discuss the topic together when the boundary of one of them is overstepped. Then, during such a discussion, there's too much hurt and guilt for anything good to come out of it. It is suggested for couples to talk about boundaries at the beginning of the relationship so that they’re made clear.”

Feelings of insecurity & inadequacy often arise when one discovers that the other watches porn. How can couples resolve differences on this subject?  

“Generally speaking, such arguments are mostly brought up when the male is caught watching porn by a female partner. The couple needs to understand what the other understands by porn, and how they feel about it. If someone who watched porn in the past and is OK with it finds porn sites on their partner's history, they will have a different reaction to someone who strongly believes that porn is wrong and that it degrades women.

The couple needs to try their best to understand the different ways in which they look at sex. Some people consider porn as betrayal and hence it should be tackled as such in that relationship. These types of discussions won't necessarily lead to the couple resolving their differing opinions but, hopefully, lead to them to better understanding their partner's point of view. When this happens, it's easier to understand how one's partner feels about it.”

Are there any warning signs of addiction to porn that individuals should look out for?

“Porn can be very problematic, even if one is single. When used mildly, porn gives an idea of sex that isn’t real and has been proven to place expectations on people's sexual performance that isn’t always possible to achieve.

We’ve noticed lately an increase in sexual problems that are suggested to be caused by porn use. Older colleagues tell me that female sexual performance anxiety is a new phenomenon linked to porn use. Females who watch porn feel they need to look and act like the female porn actresses and those who don't are quoted saying that they are expected to be “crazier” and “wilder” in bed by their male porn-watcher.

In excess, porn can give a warped idea of what sex and intimacy are. Some men get the wrong perception of the female gender and what they want during sex, while females who watch porn heavily tend to be less content with their bodies and are more conscious about being naked in front of their partner.

By addiction, we understand an activity that effects one financially, sexually, socially, relationally, and/or one's mental health. If one tends to get images of what he's been watching during the day; prefers porn to real physical intimacy; is spending a lot of time watching porn; is not happy with his/her sex life; or feels frustrated if s/he goes for a period of time without watching porn, one should talk to a professional.”